I was basically born into and raised in the church. I attended church mostly every week of my life and was never really a bad kid. When I was in the eighth grade, I felt that I wanted to give my life to the lord. I didn’t know the word much but I wanted to do so because I wanted to know this Christ and savior that people are always talking about. I knew that I needed him.

    After a regular Sunday service at church, I went down to the alter and gave my life to Jesus. I knew that I was saved but that was pretty much all I knew. I never really read the bible for myself so I didn’t fully understand what I got myself into but ever since then, I prayed more and I tried to better myself as a person.

I don’t know who my father is. Finding his death certificate in my moms drawer was the most difficult thing I could have dealt with. I didn’t accept it at first. I looked for him in crowds & always wondered if the man standing next to me was my father. I grew up with my mothers husband. I was abused. I watched my mother get beaten & then I was beaten. After a night like that, I wasn’t able to sit, my skin was raised, red, & bruised. I was molested. I couldn’t deal with all these things at the age of 6 so I hung myself. Needless to say, it wasn’t successful but it left marks around my neck. I was beaten for that too.

Fast forward a few years. I went through a series of trials. I found out I have an older brother who i’ve never met. I was depressed & addicted to things I shouldn’t be addicted to (alcohol, cutting, guys, etc.). They were the only things that made life fun. I didn’t want to live anymore because I was a depressed mess. I was at rock bottom & desperate.

    My first semester and week @ USF, I found a church & I loved attending but I still didn’t really understand what being a saved christian was about so I started to backslide. I got involved with people that weren’t saved or even christian. I went to frat parties, Ybor City (full of clubs), house parties, and just drank alcohol. It turned into a huge conflict in my mind when I actually started having Bible study. I became frustrated because I wasn’t like every other Christian I was hanging around. I decided to call it quits. I even prayed my last prayer to let God to let him know that i was done.
    
    That same week, I was invited to an event with christian girls and while walking home, I felt in my heart that I really wanted to pray. I rededicated my life to God and told him that I’m making a commitment to him and I would read his word to fully understand. This is what I wanted. I was back to having my regular Bible study within that same week and my life changed dramatically.

    My life now? Most of my friends are Christian, I am actually reading and understanding the Bible, I’ve gotten a wonderful word from God, and I am excited about where I am headed. I feel like a different person. I’m happy and have a genuine smile on my face. The more I learn about God and his word, the more I want to now. I want to grow closer to him. He has really blessed me and I know that great things are to come. I look forward to my future with God and I love living for him.

My life isn’t all butterflies and roses though. I’m still working through the whole depression & cutting thing. I know I don’t need a man to validate me and I haven’t given my virginity or first kiss to any guy but I don’t always remember why i’m doing this so I get frustrated. I still feel lost sometimes & I have no idea what i’m doing with my life. Every one of my college courses have gotten me to point where I’ve felt like a failure & wanted to call it quits. 

The only difference now is I have God to walk with me through my crazy filled life. I know that i’m never alone. I can praise God even when i’m sad or angry because I know everything’s going to be ok. Following God doesn’t mean my life is suddenly peaches. It means I have a father who loves and protects me. I have everything I need and then some.